Trauma-based & Family Psychotherapy For Angry, Anxious, Depressed, and Frustrated Families

Selfish Genes: Decoding the selfish person

I remember my first experience with a selfish friend and I vowed never to become this way. She did everything in her power to refrain from having to give anything to someone else. Even borrowing from her required a list of reasons why you needed what you needed, how to treat it, and when it should be returned. Something as simple as a t-shirt became a battle. I was met with every excuse: “my mother bought this shirt for me and I’d feel bad if something happened to it,” “I was really sick over the weekend and wouldn’t feel right sharing my clothing,” or “this shirt might be a bit too big for you, I have gained weight.” She had the most colorful excuses for being the most selfish person in the world!

I’m a firm believer that we are either naturally “givers” or naturally “takers.”  A selfish disposition not only demonstrates the overall quality of a person’s character and what matters most to them, but something psychological. The person who is asked to lend may experience inadequacy, fear, pride, or perhaps a host of other emotions stemming from prior experience.

I have come across many self-ish types of personalities. I’ve come up with 5 selfish-personality types just for fun:

1.)    Selfish to protect me:

This type of selfish person never gives away any of their possessions because they have a history of not receiving things back. Have you ever heard someone say: “I don’t let people borrow any of my items because when I did, I didn’t receive them back.” This type of person might also claim that they paid so much money for the item that they would rather not part with it.

2.)    Selfish to enhance me:

This type of selfish person does not give to anyone because they do not want another person to have what they have. This is the type of person who refuses to tell you what type of cologne they are wearing, what they colored their hair with, or where they bought that great purse. While it is okay to be private, it is really selfish when you refuse to tell others because you want to be the ONLY one on top. Who says you are on top anyway?

3.)    Selfish to be selfish:

This is the type of person who is self-ish simply because they can be. This person often says “it is mine, so I will do what I want.”

4.)    Selfish by nurture:

This type of person is not naturally selfish but tends not to share because they were raised to be that way. There may be two reasons why these people exist:

  • The person had more than 1 sibling and needed to share everything so now that they have their own things, they refuse to give anymore.
  • The person was raised in a household where sharing was not in the family vocabulary. No one shared, no one sacrificed for the other. Every man for him or herself!

5.)    Selfish by nature:

This type of person was born selfish. They don’t know why they don’t like to give to others and they just want others to stop asking them for things. It is an uncomfortable experience for these people to give. This is the person who is competitive, uncaring of other’s needs, and desires to be first.

Selfishness is a terrible quality and it demonstrates what you think of other people. Character is often reduced when material possession is highlighted over relationship. Material will never outlast a good relationship, so don’t ignore the things that matter.

What do you think about this “categorization” of selfish people? Do you think they exist?

Let me know, I’d love to hear it!

As always, I wish you well

*CORONA VIRUS UPDATE1050 Lincoln Way, Ste 1 - Pittsburgh PA

States across the nation are passing laws, reducing restrictions, and enacting new regulations to help support the transition from stay-at-home orders to the normal flow of life again.

To keep everyone at Anchored Child & Family Counseling safe, I will only be opening the office for in-person sessions 1 day of the week. The other days of the week will consist of teletherapy sessions until the mask wearing restrictions are reduced or eliminated and corona virus cases have gone down.

My office assistant and I will be monitoring insurance policies for any changes to corona-related cost share, copayment, and coinsurance policies. I will be checking and rechecking insurance policies to ensure you will be covered for teletherapy. At this time, all major insurance companies (UPMC, Highmark, Aetna, Optum/United, and Cigna) are continuing to provide coverage for teletherapy into September 2020.

Please check (the practice website) for updates and my business facebook page at:

Please continue to stay safe!
Thank you



Támara Hill, MS, NCC, CCTP, LPC

Licensed Child & Family Therapist
National Board Certified Counselor
Internationally Certified Trauma Therapist

error: Content is protected! Thank you
x Logo: Shield
This Site Is Protected By