Life is painful. Simple as that. There are disappointments, unfair circumstances, never ending pain, separations, and death. Not to be a sadist or pessimistic, mostly everyone on this earth will experience pain. No one is exempt. My mother use to say “if it hasn’t happened yet, it will.” It’s inescapable. But I have learned through personal hurts there are a few things my heart, soul, and mind must experience before I can move on with strength. You may also find that these tips can help you move forward:
- Learn from the hurt: It can be so difficult trying to process a painful situation and then learn from it. But learning from the situation has a way of providing closure and helping us to move forward. Learning may take a very long time. For me, it isn’t until I go through the experience, experience all the emotions of the experience, and accept it happened that I begin to learn. Don’t rush this process, but be open to it.
- Question: A lot of people have a lot of questions. Life is full of confusion. I’ve learned the strongest people are those who can move on beyond their questions and find purpose. Life is a big question mark! Don’t let this stop you from growing.
- Process: Processing a circumstance takes time and may take years until you get to a place of inner calm. I tend to process my thoughts and emotions through journaling or writing down my dreams. The human mind and soul are complex, take notes.
- Accept: Accept that you may never understand why something bad has happened. We aren’t super-human, neither are we capable of understanding all things that occur among our complex human existence. Only a Great Being can do so. In the meantime, it’s okay to have questions, but you cannot move forward until you realize you may never have an answer.
- Treatment: “Treatment” includes taking care of yourself with things that revive your heart, soul, and mind. You want to refrain from those things that make life worse in the long-term, but “good” in the short-term. Examples include drug abuse, alcohol, reckless behavior, self-injurious behavior, overeating, etc. Treatment requires self-care, not self-destruction.
- Move on: Once you process a situation, get through all of your questions (with or without an answer), accept the situation, and treat yourself, you can move on.
- Wait: One very wise thing my mother and pastor use to say to me was “sometimes in life you just have to wait.” Waiting means to cease from trying to change things that cannot be changed by You.
A final thing I learned through experience is that we all need:
8) An anchor: an anchor is anything that holds you and doesn’t let you fall. Technically, an anchor is a heavy object attached to a rope or chain. It is strong enough to hold a ship. Do you have an anchor? I encourage you to find one to hold on to. Could it be your family? Your children? God? Truth? Anything that can hold you is an anchor.
Take good care of yourself!